I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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