I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
