Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
