I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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