That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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