i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
