Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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