Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
