I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
