i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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