Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
