shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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