Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
