Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
