so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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