Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
