people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
