A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
