she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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