Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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