I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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