i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
