He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
