I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
send nudes
from the living room?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
