I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I was not drunk enough for that final.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
