Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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