in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
