maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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