How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
