it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
