he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
