As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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