Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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