I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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