she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He shit in the fireplace
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
