I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
