But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
