Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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