He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
