They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
