dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Randomize
