sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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