plz talk dirty to me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
