the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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