Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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