who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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