Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hello my rib-scented angel!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
