I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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