Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
