One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
