How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
