i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
