The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
