It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
and she was petting her beer can
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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