mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
