Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
