"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
