Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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