I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
