Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
