Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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