I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
