He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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