Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
