You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
