Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
