After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
