I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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