I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just google imaged poop.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
