can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
