Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
