i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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