I'm drive I can fine osifer
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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