this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
