guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
