i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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